Why you must say yes to saying no?

Around June 2020, a few months into being locked at home, I realized I was having sudden episodes of rage at trivial things. I was always catching up to work & never had time for myself.

Today, I’m the most relaxed version of me I have ever been in my life. A sense of control seems to have developed.

But how did I metamorphose into a person who has time to write this post when I never had to call my friends?

The answer is simple — I started saying NO.

As I look back, I think I did the following RIGHT:

1. YES? NOT SO FAST: I stopped saying YES, the instant someone asked for something. It could be going out for a drink, responding to a query at work, or doing a household chore.

2. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO TODAY: I had a schedule of my own, not a minute by minute breakdown, but the things that I would want to do in a day. It could be as simple as watching a Netflix movie to having tea sitting in my favorite spot in town.

3. ARE YOU DOING YOUR JOB: Whenever asked for something, I would assess the urgency of the ask, and/or for official work, I would ask if a particular task was my job? If not, I would politely redirect them to the correct person.

4. NOT YOUR ALL-PURPOSE VEHICLE: I stopped being the one-stop-shop for anyone. It did not mean I was not available to my friends & family. It just meant that you sometimes need people to get their shit together.

5. SOCIAL ANGST: Initially, SAYING NO was difficult because I was not used to it. Also, it made me guilty. But like any other habit, I got better at it with time.

6. YOU’RE NOT YOURSELF THESE DAYS: The notion of not MEETING EXPECTATIONS of society compounded the feeling of unease. People did behave differently, questioned if I was alright and whether I WAS SO BUSY THAT I COULD NOT TAKE OUT TIME TO DO XYZ. It took time for them to get used to the NEW NORMAL.

All the above resulted in me being ME today. And, I feel so LIGHT. The urge to be available all the time has gone away.

This has been my journey. Let me know if this helps you or if you guys had a similar experience?